Nobody's perfect. It's a concept we're faced with everyday, and somedays more than others. Yesterday I was called to do a prenatal consult with a mother whose baby may deliver in the late preterm range. "Big deal", I thought, "just a little reassurance." I thought about my 6 week old and what a big deal it would have been to me if she were to be born "just a little early". There we go, now I've got the right frame of reference. Now I can relate.
I walked into the room and noted immediately that this person looked familiar to me. She'd had a baby in our NICU before. Not to make excuses, but we have between 700-800 babies in our NICU per year. The specifics did not come to me. I should have realized that the expression on her face was not one of fond recognition, but instead I acknowledged that she had had a preemie in our unit before and forged ahead. I answered her questions about the likelihood of complications for her baby and the possible need for NICU admission. I reassured her that if her baby were to come early and need NICU admission, we would take very good care of him.
Oh, that I had left it at that. However, I really did care about what had happened in the past. Before I left, I asked her how her other baby was doing. "She passed away in the NICU," she said. Like a thunderbolt it hit me as the specifics came back, pulling the rug out from under me and leaving me groping for the next thing to say. Her baby had developed a rare complication during her stay in the NICU which ultimately made continuing support futile. The decision was made to withdraw life support. I was the baby's doctor that day.
No, nobody's perfect. Sometimes all we can do is apologize and spend some time extracting that foot from our mouth. This is how lessons are learned. This is how we develop better understanding and sensitivity towards those we care for.
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Oh wow. That really sucker-punched me. I've done the same thing. A wonderful woman who works at our hospital had an almost grown CFer who'd been with us forever in Peds. I saw her one night in the elevator and asked "And how's Michelle?" The stricken look on her face immediately brought back to me that the "thank you for all your kindness" note in the dept had been about THAT Michelle. I got it right as she croaked out "Didn't you hear? Michelle died last week." No, no one's perfect but I totally relate. It's one of the worst feelings in the world to be the one with the foot in the mouth.
ReplyDeleteThanks for the comment, Glenna! It's good to hear from someone who can relate. Just a follow-up: This baby was admitted to the NICU last night and is doing well. It gave me an opportunity to express my appologies to the mother for the insensitive question. It was heartfelt, and I think that she appreciated it. It certainly made me feel better. Thanks again!
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